Damn technology, I bloody hate it!
Supposed to have attended a meeting today. All sort of discreet and private-like so I ain’t gonna say anything about it so there’s no point in asking.
Anyway, as the day of the meeting (i.e., today) edges closer so there’s murmurings that maybe not all the people that we’d like to be there are going to be there.
Numbers sufficiently reduced in fact as to warrant cancelling it completely.
Which would be a bit of a bugger cos at great expense to myself I’d cleared a load of space in my schedule precisely to attend said meeting.
Hmm. Not good.
However, some bright spark suggests that if things don’t go quite as planned those few of us who are still up for it could have it via a sort of “online conference”, courtesy of skype.
Now I’ve heard of this skype thingie before. In fact, not too long after it was first properly rolled out a mate of mine conned me into opening an account.
Which, co-operative little soul that I am, I did. Even went as far as installing the app on the machine I was using at the time (a fairly antiquated desktop PC with no bells or whistles whatsoever).
Snag was, seems a microphone or something was required. And I didn’t have one. Not then. And couldn’t really be asked to get one. Cos I wasn’t terribly enthusiastic about that whole skype nonsense anyway.
Far too many new-fangled ideas and technology… and most of ’em seem to involve communicating with people. In real-time! Ugh! Not my scene at all. Its so… er… intrusive. And now. Interfering with my slobbing around.
So uninstall the app and… um… that was about it basically.
Now, that was some time ago. Years in fact.
Fast forward to Saturday then.
“Well,” thinks I, “if we’re gonna be using this skype thingie I’ll be needing a microphone; and I’ll have to reinstall the app; and see if the account I set up ages ago is still active as it were. Bugger.”
So that’s what I did. Dive into town and scurry around looking for a suitable bit of kit. (That was a journey I could have done without as well. Far too time-consuming.) What I end up with is this ’ere skype headset.
Not, actually. In fact its a Logitech headset. But suitable for use with skype. Certified, no less. (As some folk reckon I should have been, ages ago!)
Scurry back home again then and set about downloading and installing the skype app. After the infernal machine had chuntered its way through umpteen million updates for virtually every app already on the sodding thing (and some that I’m sure weren’t!)… cos I hadn’t switched that particular one on for at least a month!
So, app installed (finally) and now to check if my old skype account’s still floating about somewhere in cyberspace and also to make sure this fancy headset (basically bog-standard headphones with a wee microphone attached) does the biz.
Yep, account’s still there. Headset seems to work fine. Quite nifty in fact. Neat. Best I check out a few of the other options then.
Hmm. What’s this? Video?!!!
Now I’m not a complete thicko, surprising as that may be. I do know that some of my various laptops have a webcam thingie built into the lid. Yep, I definitely do know this. And the infernal machine on which I choose to install skype just happens to be one of those.
Not a particularly good webcam, but a webcam nevertheless.
In fact, its a fairly crap webcam. And certainly not on a par with a proper camera, like wot I use. But its still a webcam. Wot you can do those stupid video clips with that everyone and their uncle seem to upload incessantly to YouTube.
Thing is though, I don’t actually like webcams very much. Not at all actually. Not the idea of them. Nasty intrusive things. Unwarranted invasion of privacy sort of.
So I’ve never bothered with it. Never even tested it out. Didn’t even know whether the damned thing worked or not, or how it worked. Didn’t much care either.
In fact, I’d pretty much forgotten it was there.
Ah, but now we have skype. And we have me tinkering around with the options. And we have me looking at this video control thingie and wondering what the hell its for. And we have me clicking it just to find out. Bloody, bloody idiot.
For suddenly there’s this evil-looking psycho peering out at me. Real nasty-looking piece of work. Damn near scared the living daylights out of me right proper it did!
What I wanna know is, what’s he doing living in my machine anyway? He’s probably the bastard who sabotages everything. Makes everything stop working as it should and fills the machine up with a load of crap… like programs and stuff. Wouldn’t surprise me if he’s in my other machines as well [shudder]. It would certainly account for all the strange things that happen to them.
[Edit 26.04.10 2010hrs: Like typos. I’ve just spotted another one! No doubt he puts them in when I’m not looking]